You’re Overthinking. Here’s What You Should Do Instead
Okay, so I once told a client, “I do not believe there is such a thing as overthinking.” I think I was being a bit literal in my interpretation of the phrase. Plus, I love thinking. How can you ever do too much of a good thing? Impossible. I stand by my conclusion that, at the time, the client wasn't overthinking. But I’ve since discovered that there is a difference between productive hypercognition and what we will call “overthinking.”
Overthinking will be defined here as the predominantly cognitive experience that involves racing and competing thoughts, the back-and-forth of trying to deduce something, and not being able to land on or reach any conclusions. The experience can be distinguished from mulling something over by the energy and emotional background connected to it. Overthinking becomes an anxiety beast that feeds itself. For people like us, this lack of definitive and clear direction provokes intense panic and anxiety. We respond to the experience of anxiety by trying to think of a solution… but our preferred problem-solving method has now become a problem it cannot solve. You can’t think your way out of overthinking.
I understand this phenomenon as the experience of trying to find a deducible conclusion for a situation that has no clear perfect answer from the perspective of the thinker. As a fellow optimizer, I love an elegant solution. I know that you know that there exists some permutation of behaviors that will optimize whatever your problem is. Unfortunately, you don’t have access to all of the available information or resources that you could benefit from. You’re going to have to settle for something imperfect.
Pro Tip:
This also happens when we’re trying to look for a perfectly analytical, objective solution that doesn’t take our feelings into account when the problem at hand is something subjective and personal. Often, my overanalytical sweethearts, we reject emotional information. There are a lot of reasons why we do this. But the truth is, you need emotional data.
A Quick and Dirty Guide TO STOP Overthinking, Even If You Love Thinking
Step 1: Identify that you’re overthinking. You’d think that would be easy, after all, you’re here, aren’t you? Not so much. Since we like to think so much, we often cannot tell the difference between productive thinking and overthinking. This is especially true if we’re chronically dysregulated or anxious to begin with.
This is much harder to get the hang of than I can articulate here. This sort of access to self is really challenging for people with alexithymia (difficulties in identifying, understanding, and expressing emotions) from neurodivergence and/or trauma. Just know, I see you, and I know this is hard.
Signs you may be overthinking:
Your thoughts are moving so fast that you’re having trouble accessing them.
You’ve gone back and forth on an issue for over twenty minutes and haven’t reached any new information.
You keep generating more ideas about why things aren’t going to work.
Your energy keeps rising, and not in a good way - you may notice panic or despair.
So let’s say you made it to step 1: you have identified that you are overthinking. Woohoo! Good job.
Step 2: Brain dump all of the information you have about the situation you’re struggling with. Don’t worry if it makes sense, don’t try to make it look pretty, get the information down on paper however it comes out of you.
Step 3: First check-in: notice if you feel any differently. This might have been enough to direct the swirl of energy out of the circle of your mind and into a container that can hold it.
If you’re feeling more stable and can let go of the swirl, congratulations! Go to step 4.
Can’t put it down? Skip to step 5.
Step 4: Congratulations! You’ve made an important shift out of overthinking. Now might be a good time to walk away and do something to continue the regulating momentum. Do something else to engage and soothe your mind. You’re done with this list.
Step 5: This is a quick and dirty guide, so while there’s a lot more I’d like to give you, I’m going to have to keep it rough. Step 5 is to write out the problem as you understand it and the choices you have. Don’t rule anything out yet, though I know you’ve already got a million reasons why these solutions are suboptimal.
Step 6: Written out the problem as best you can understand it and all possible solutions? Good. If you were neurotypical, I’d tell you to take a deep breath. If deep breaths are helpful to you, do so. If not, grab a resource that is stabilizing and containing (favorite stuffed toy, comforting fidget, furry best friend, silky blanky). Now write down why each solution is suboptimal.
Step 7: Maybe your brain has settled enough to allow you to engage in some more concrete problem-solving and new directions. In that case? YAHTZEE! But very often, the truth is that no matter how much we permutate a problem, all of our solutions are suboptimal. Here we engage in radical acceptance. Accept that RIGHT NOW there are no optimal solutions. AND RIGHT NOW you’re stuck, and no amount of thinking in this state is going to get you new information. Allow yourself to be sad about this. Allow yourself to be frustrated about this. Try not to panic just because you’re having an emotion. Reach for your comforting and containing resource (breath, fidget, stuffy, friend, weighted blanket are good examples but not exhaustive).
Step 8: Second check-in: notice if you feel any differently. You may notice a downward shift in energy; maybe you’re super tired now. That’s okay. It’s actually a sign of disengaging from the threat response you were just in. You can go rest if that feels accessible, but bonus points if you can go do some gentle movement or a comforting activity first.
While thinking has been our best friend and a source of containment and strength, overthinking hinders our well-being and productivity. It may feel like the most counterintuitive thing to do, but breaking the cycle of overthinking will help you find access to a calmer, more focused state of being.
May the force be with you.
Leanna
